


Dogstar

by Genie60



Series: Poldark Series 2- Dribs and Drabs [25]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015)
Genre: F/M, First Love, Last Love, Marriage, Secrets, What-If, s2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 10:28:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10695141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genie60/pseuds/Genie60
Summary: Takes place at the end of S2 Ep4.What if the scene continued and Demelza confronted Elizabeth about her feelings for Ross after overhearing the conversation at the harvest festival?Oh and what if Ross didn't suffer from Cornwall tongue tied disease and actually let his thoughts and feelings be known?A totally AU version, I know.





	Dogstar

“I found my star in a dogfight,” Ross said with a smile and took the last gulp from his drink. Demelza grinned at the memory of how they met as they wrapped their arms around each other.  They stared out at the horizon, the future looking brighter than ever before: a new baby, hale, and hardy despite the drama surrounding his birth; a new mine venture culled from Poldark history; and a reconciled family.  Things could not look better for them.  Ross turned to his wife and grasping her waist with his free hand, bent to kiss her, the happiness between them overflowing. She automatically raised a hand to brush his cheek with her thumb, his lips still grazing hers when the rest of the clan descended upon them, led by Francis.  As Elizabeth approached, Demelza caught sight of the other woman out of the corner of her eye and again her hackles rose in warning because she felt something change on her cousin in law’s face.  Demelza knew it stemmed from the conversation she overheard between her husband and Elizabeth months ago at the harvest festival.

At the time Demelza was more concerned about her physical condition and getting Ross’s attention long enough so she could tell him they were going to have another child, rather than trying to deal with him and his renewed fascination with Elizabeth.  She knew that was a topic which would never go away as long as Elizabeth was close by.   Now with so much centered on this new mine, and the fact that it was a joint venture with Francis, the Elizabeth factor was once again in the forefront of her mind.  Except that Demelza wasn’t going to let Elizabeth’s sly smile and flirtatious demeanor distract Ross from her and their own family.  Giving Demelza a parting kiss, Ross rejoined Francis, Verity, and Andrew as they walked around the perimeter of the property.  Seeing Elizabeth with Geoffrey Charles looking out at the sea, Demelza decided to join them. 

“It’s a wonderful day, isn’t it?” Demelza said.  Her question was not directed to Elizabeth specifically but more like a generic thought spoke aloud. Demelza continued to gaze at the sea wondering if she would get a response.

****~~~~****

Elizabeth turned and looked up at Demelza, her face quizzical.  She was not sure if Ross’s wife was genuine or if something else had prompted her.  She couldn’t pinpoint it, but Elizabeth knew that something had changed in Demelza; she felt a distance, even a coldness from her just moments ago when they toasted to the new mine.  But Elizabeth had no idea what might have brought about this change.  From all appearances at the christening and today, Ross was content and if their public display of affection was any indication, they seem extremely happy.  Elizabeth was envious of that especially after her conversation with Ross at the harvest festival.  That night she could have sworn he was flirting with her as if he weren’t married.  Or at least, acting like a man who had forgotten he had a wife. 

She had hoped that their renewed connection both as family and friends would solidify her place in his life. True he had a wife and now a new child, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t remain a mainstay in his life as well. Despite being married to Francis, who since the trial had seemed a new man, Elizabeth still held on to the feelings that she had for Ross.  It wasn’t clear exactly what those feelings might be, for she was quite sure she didn’t know what true love was having never experienced it herself, but she knew they were something different than what she felt for Francis.  She had often witnessed something she presumed was love between Ross and Demelza and it was during those times that her old memories of Ross reared their head.  Now as she stood on this cliff, next to his wife and the supposed love of his life, those emotions churned anew.  She knew she couldn’t ignore the other Mrs. Poldark’s comment forever and so responded.

“Yes, it has been wonderful.  I can’t remember the last time Francis seemed so happy,” Elizabeth said, her hand holding Geoffrey Charles close to her side.

Seeing the opportunity to open up the discussion, Demelza gave Elizabeth a sideways glance before offering her observation.

“I think it was the harvest festival.  Francis was quite glad that day.  Don’t you agree? Although I wish I wasn’t feeling so under the weather so I could enjoy it more, but you know how the early days of pregnancy can be.  It seems Ross enjoyed himself though.  He didn’t even know I had left to see to Prudie.  By the time I came back everyone else had gone to bed.  Except for Ross.  And you.”

Demelza paused but turned to look directly at Elizabeth at that last statement and saw the color drain from her face.  She watched as the realization hit that she might have overheard the conversation between Ross and Elizabeth.  Smiling sweetly, Demelza waited for a reply.

“I didn’t know you had left, Demelza.  I thought you were in bed. You had said you weren’t feeling well,” Elizabeth countered.

“True. But I was called away and by the time that crisis was dealt with the festivities were over.  I was on my way to bed, expecting to see Ross but instead, I heard him having a fairly serious conversation with you.”

Elizabeth stammered as she tried to find the words to explain. 

“What? It was nothing really.  Ross was kind enough to offer to help me clear some of the glasses.  Nothing more.  We did speak for a while but nothing important,” Elizabeth offered.

Demelza continued to stare at her, not wanting to let the issue die.  She and Ross were about to start a new chapter of their lives and she hoped that this old edition of his life could be put on the shelf.

“Really?  I must have misunderstood what I heard then.  For I was certain I heard him make mention of what might have been had the two of you wed.  And your acknowledgment that your characters were too different to be compatible.  What I remember most was how Ross said you could never play the scullery maid. Which of course I was.  And to some people, like your mother, I still am,” Demelza said.  Without meaning to, or maybe she did, Demelza’s voice was tinged with bitterness.

Elizabeth didn’t know how to respond to that since it was clear Demelza had heard quite a bit of the conversation between her and Ross.   So this would explain why her attitude had changed; it was because Demelza believed that she had wanted something more from Ross.  To an extent that might be true but Demelza apparently didn’t hear that it was Ross who started the dialogue and who was actively participating in the subject of what might have been. She knew she was going to have to try and come to some sort of truce on this topic if the family was to stay on solid ground and yet there was a part of Elizabeth that wanted Demelza to see that Ross still had some feelings for their old connection.  One that precluded Demelza and would always be a part of their lives. 

“Demelza, the only opinion that matters is Ross’s, not my mother’s.  However, since you mention that conversation, I wonder if you heard that it was Ross who supposed what our lives would have been like if we were married.  And that he still saw me as the young woman he left behind.  So please, if you have animosity, direct some of it towards your husband, not me.” 

Elizabeth concluded and Demelza was speechless at her forthrightness; it was the first time she had heard her speak so firmly without hesitation.  It was not lost on Demelza that there was an air of arrogance to what she said as if she had once again gained the upper hand where Ross was concerned. 

“I see. Well here is Ross now and you can be sure that I will get his side of the story as well,” Demelza responded coolly.

****~~~~****

Ross appeared from around the side of the mine and saw the women apparently in conversation. He did not catch what was said but he did hear the tone of their voices and knew that whatever passed between them was not pleasant.  Neither of the ladies saw him immediately and remained in a standoff as he neared. 

“What’s this?” Ross asked as he moved towards Demelza.  “Have you ladies been discussing how to spend the riches this mine will yield?” 

He took Demelza’s hand and held it, linking his fingers with hers.  She, in turn, rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb, giving him a warm smile.  Ross returned the look and for a moment there was no one else around. 

“Not quite Ross,” Elizabeth answered first.  “I’m sure Demelza will fill you in.  For now, I think I need find Francis and get Geoffrey Charles home.”

“Actually we were discussing how changed Francis seems,” Demelza said sweetly, her eyes never leaving Elizabeth’s.

“Yes,” Elizabeth agreed.  “And how glad he was that you and Demelza came to the harvest.  I’m so glad that you and he have reconciled and that we could reconnect as family and friends again.”  She bent down to say something to Geoffrey Charles, taking his hand to lead him back towards where Francis stood, at the entrance to the mine.

“Elizabeth I think we should be getting back. Verity and Andrew have already started to walk,” Francis called.

Giving both of them a small curtsy, Elizabeth took her leave to join her husband but not before she gave one more glance to Demelza.  Demelza nodded slightly but did not offer a smile.

Ross was surprised at what Elizabeth said and looked to Demelza for clarification.  Somehow he knew that what they were talking about was not as simple at Francis’s new demeanor. He also knew his wife well enough to pick up on the tension in her body and was determined to get to the heart of the situation.

“Ross, it’s getting late and Jeremy will be wanting me.  We should go too,” Demelza said softly.

Ross understood what she meant as they had been gone most of the afternoon.

“You’re right my love,” Ross replied. “Let’s go.” 

He turned to Francis and Elizabeth and touched his hat in a departing salutation.  Demelza remained by his side, taking his arm as they walked along the edge of the cliff home.  They strolled in silence for a few minutes until Ross, without looking at Demelza, spoke.

“So do you want to tell me what you and Elizabeth were really discussing?  I could tell that it was not the weather or children,” he said.

Demelza glanced at her husband and wondered if she really wanted to ask him if what Elizabeth had said was true or just leave it be.  On the other hand, too often than not, it was their lack of talking and keeping things from each other that led to misunderstandings.  She did not want a repeat of the events that led to the family estrangement in the first place. 

“I will but not here and not now.  Let us get home so I can tend to Jeremy and then we can talk. Alright?” she asked, squeezing his bicep as they continued on the path to Nampara.

Ross looked at his wife and knew that whatever these women in his life had spoken about concerned him.  He didn’t know how he knew but he could think of nothing else that would put Demelza on edge like she was.   The sign that he knew Demelza was upset was that she kept squeezing and rubbing his bicep as they walked.  It was as if petting him calmed her while she gathered her thoughts.  As the approached home, they could hear the faint cries of their infant son.  Demelza instinctively let go of Ross’s arm and scurried ahead to reach Jeremy.  Ross followed with Garrick at his heels since the family pet came out to greet them with a bark and a wagging tail.

As he entered the parlor, Ross saw Demelza sitting on the one chair they had left, her bodice open and Jeremy at her breast.  He stood watching the scene for a moment, thinking how lucky he was and wondering how he ever doubted that a new child could be anything but a blessing.  Afraid to move for fear of breaking the tranquil mood of the room, Ross stayed where he was, taking in the sight of his wife and son, listening as she softly cooed to him.  Jeremy didn’t seem interested in anything but getting fed and his mother seemed quite content to oblige. 

“Don’t just stand there Ross,” Demelza said, lifting her head to look at him.  There was a smirk on her face because she knew he had been staring at her, trying not to be noticed.

Stepping into the room, Ross put his hat on the table and walked to where she sat, taking a place next to her. It amazed Ross that Demelza was never shy about the times she fed Jeremy.  He knew that if any woman of society had seen her doing this task they would be horrified mainly because many of them hired wet nurses for this chore.  For his part, Ross found this one of the most familial times they had.  Often they’d bring Jeremy into their bed and Demelza would nurse him there, leaning against his Ross’s shoulder, secure in the comfort of his arms.  And love.

Feeling Jeremy start to wriggle, Demelza knew he needed burping.  Pulling him gently away from her breast, she shifted him to her shoulder and rubbed his back in small circular motions.  Ross put his arm around her and brought Demelza closer to him. 

“Now that Master Jeremy has had some sustenance, can you tell me what was going on at Wheal Grace? And don’t tell me to wait.  We can speak just fine right here,” Ross insisted. 

His wife shot him a look and then tilted her head towards their son, warning him to keep calm and his voice low.

“Demelza,” Ross said in a gruff whisper, “please enlighten me on your discussion with Elizabeth.  I don’t believe it was only about Francis, was it?”

Demelza put Jeremy to her other breast to continue feeding him while she looked at her husband.  She saw that he was determined to find out what was going on and she was anxious to tell him what she heard but more importantly to find out if what Elizabeth had said was true. Did Ross make overtures to her the night of the harvest?

“Alright.  Elizabeth and I were talking about the night of the harvest,” Demelza started.

Ross sat back and sighed as he remembered that night as being eventful for many reasons, the most important of which was finding out about Demelza’s pregnancy.  He couldn’t imagine what else Demelza and Elizabeth could be relating about that night since they spent so little time together. He was about to ask his wife to explain when she continued to speak.

“You know that I left for a while with Prudie when she came to tell about Jud missing.  Well, when I came back I thought everyone was abed but as I walked through the house I heard people talking. Come to find out it was you and Elizabeth.”

She looked at Ross and waited for recognition to cross his face.

 “Demelza, why didn’t you come in and join us?” he asked.

Now it was her turn to look at him with unbelieving eyes.  Did he really think she would barge in on a private conversation?

“I didn’t think you’d want me to interrupt such a personal moment,” she said. 

Now the sarcasm was starting to rise and Demelza found she needed to get up and move away from him.   Besides, Jeremy had dozed off and she wanted to put him down and straighten herself before continuing this talk.  She walked over to the cradle they kept in this room and placed her son gently in the bedding.  As she settled him with one hand, Demelza held her bodice closed with the other. Standing up she closed the garment and readjusted the fischu so that she was again a proper mine owner’s wife.  Once she felt comfortable again, she returned to the settle and stood to face Ross.

“Tell me Demelza.  What did you hear or what did you think you heard? Because it appears something has upset you,” Ross said, now his voice edged in frustration.  He did not like playing games and especially didn’t expect them from his wife.

Taking a breath Demelza looked him straight on and spoke.

“At first I thought Elizabeth was still trying to get into your good graces which is why I decided to speak to her first about the situation.  That is what you came upon at the mine this afternoon.  It appears she wasn’t totally to blame for what I heard because today she told me that it was you that made the first overture to her.  Come to think of it as I recall, it was you I heard speak first telling her there was no use in thinking about what might have been. Perhaps I was wrong to accuse her of something that really was your instigation.  So tell me, Ross, do you still wonder what life would be like if you were married to Elizabeth?  Could love have overcome your different personalities?  Or is my being a scullery maid more in keeping with what you want or need in a wife?”

She didn’t mean to sound so bitter but it came upon her so quickly she couldn’t stop even if she wanted to.  Yet with Elizabeth once again in the midst of their lives because of Francis’s partnership with Ross, Demelza didn’t want the cloud of the past hanging over her marriage.  She wanted Ross to face the truth even it caused some pain and move on.  How long was he going to harbor thoughts of the “what if” when they had their own lives to live?  Or was that not enough for him?  That was her concern.  That no matter what she did, how she grew into the wife she thought he wanted, gave him children, a home,  and worked with him, he would still live in the “what ifs.”  And that was no longer acceptable to her.

If what he said on that cliff a mere hour ago was true, that she was the star he needed, found in a dogfight, then there was no cause to keep replaying the past.   

Demelza remained unmoved, waiting for his reply. She could tell from the look on his face that he was not expecting this kind of outburst from her nor was he prepared for the topic either.  She, however, felt relief at finally saying what was uppermost in her mind since that night.  Granted she probably should have said something when he finally returned to their room, but the news of her condition overshadowed anything else. 

“Demelza,” Ross started to say, “I don’t know how to respond to all that.”

“It’s quite simple really.  I’d have you be honest Ross.  Do you still wonder what a life with Elizabeth would be like? And do you still wish for the same?” 

This time Demelza was not so sure of herself or if this was the right path to take. She could feel emotions churning in anticipation of his answer.  What if the truth was not what she thought?  What if he did still want Elizabeth and was settling for her because his first love was otherwise engaged?  She closed her eyes in an attempt to regain some composure when she heard his voice, low and steady.

“Well, then the honest truth is that yes, sometimes I do wonder “what if” and what _might_ have been.  What if I hadn’t gone to war? What if she had waited for me?  What if we had married? And then I stop and remember.  If I hadn’t gone to war, or if she had waited for me and we had married then I would have missed out on what _should_ have been. And that’s you.” 

He rose at that point and came to stand in front of her.  Putting his hands on her waist he looked at her unapologetically.

“Demelza, what I said this afternoon was the truth.  I did find my star in a dogfight. But if my life had gone on its original path, then I would never have been at market day and our destiny wouldn’t have happened. So you see my love. While I might have been thinking out loud to Elizabeth about the “what ifs”—and I blame that on too much brandy and wallowing in self-pity at the time—it was not my “what _is_ ”.   And that is you.” Ross paused before adding, “I am sorry that you overheard that conversation.” Then a thought occurred to him.

“Have you been keeping these fears to yourself all this time?”

Demelza looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with moisture, a weak smile coming to her face.

“Yes,” she said quietly.  She was embarrassed by this for generally she was not one to indulge in such negativity.

“Demelza why didn’t you say something sooner? You gave up nothing, not even that night. Why?”

“In truth Ross, I thought that on top of not wanting a child, that you no longer wanted me either. So why should I have said something that if you confirmed would only break my heart? Especially since I already was with child.”

He gathered her into his arms and held tight as she started to weep.  She buried her face in the crook of his neck so as not to wake Jeremy as Ross rubbed her back. For the first time, he realized what assumption and lack of discussion could lead to.  His selfish idiocy of that night, where he indulged himself by flirting with Elizabeth because he could, even with his wife nearby, now made him feel as if he had betrayed her in the worst possible way.   And because she too picked up on that, however incorrectly, she had kept doubts about their marriage to herself all because she was sure he was done with her. 

This kind of behavior had to stop he thought. For two people who held honesty in the highest regard, they were their own worst enemies: keeping their own truths secret while giving the opposite advice to anyone who’d listen around them.  It has only led to these kinds of rifts and misunderstandings.  Ross buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent and knowing that he could never live without it. 

“Demelza, I apologize for not making my feelings clear in the months since the trial but it seems we’ve both been guilty of not speaking what was in our hearts and minds and that must end.  As for not wanting a child, it was the fact that we were in such dire straits that I didn’t want to bring another child into our lives. You also know that it was more the fear of losing them after loving them that added to that feeling.  I was scared and you my love were, as always the strong and logical one. And of course, you were right.  However, never has the thought crossed my mind that I didn’t want or need you.  Or that you were anything other than my most beloved wife,” he said firmly as he pulled away from her to gaze into her eyes. Putting his thumbs up to her cheeks he brushed the tears away and gave her a kiss.

Demelza responded to the kiss by holding on to him, afraid of letting go.  After a few moments, she opened her eyes and saw that he was smiling at her.

“And for the record, eavesdropping is not a desirable trait and something I never expected of you,” he teased. 

“Perhaps there are some things you don’t know about me yet, Ross,” she retorted.

“Well I hope that is the last surprise you have for me,” Ross said.

Demelza gave him a slightly wicked smile and then turned to look at Jeremy who slept soundly in his cradle.

“Actually, I think I have another surprise for you, but you’ll have to come with me to get it,” she said. 

Taking his hand she led him quietly out of the parlor and up the stairs to their bedroom.

“What about Jeremy?” he said, the excitement growing in him at his wife’s spontaneous actions.

“He should be fine for a little while yet and if he wakes, Prudie can get him,” Demelza said with clear mischief in her voice.  “Unless of course, you’d rather keep talking?”

Stopping at the landing, Ross clutched his wife tightly to his chest and kissed her, tongues clashing as hands started to undo lacings, knots, and buttons.  When the need for air became obvious, they parted, their breaths mingling as their eyes looked at each other knowingly, something that came from years of togetherness.

“No my love, I do not wish to keep talking,” Ross said as he took her hand and practically dragged her the rest of the way to their room.  “And let’s have no more talk of “what if”, understood?”

“Yes, Ross.  But what if I wish to keep you to myself for the rest of the day?”

“That my dear isn’t a what if.  That is a why not?” Ross countered as he gave his wife a smile that revealed all that was in his heart.

And that was solely Demelza.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing and no one. Those are Winston and Debbie's.  
> Thanks as always to all who are reading, commenting and supporting me.  
> I promise the epilogue to "Trying..."is next. This one just wouldn't leave me alone.


End file.
